Jacob and I had been friends right from our childhood. He was always there for me when I needed a shoulder to cry on, a special favour or someone to celebrate with. He always put me first, and no one else. He was my best friends. We hung out together. We were always together. He was my “bestie”.
I knew I always loved Jacob secretly but I disguised it under the canopy of “just best friends”, Jacob was much more than a best friend to me. When we grew up we couldn’t hide what we had for each other. Well we weren’t actually dating. We were having an affair. We’d have certain specific and sensual encounters I’d rather not say, but it was nothing more.
Everything was going well until Matthew came into the picture. It was love at first sight with Matthew. Matthew was special. He made everyone around him feel special too. He was everything a woman would want in a man. He was tall, thick, dark, with a smile that could make anyone stop and stare. And he was rich, so much richer than Jacob. I knew I was wrong for falling in love with Matthew and still leading Jacob on. I loved them both. I just couldn’t choose and I didn’t want to lose any of them.
Two months into my relationship with Matthew I couldn’t continue with Jacob. I had to break up with him. Everything was perfect now. I had the person I loved. I loved Matthew so much and he loved me too I guess. We were perfect for each other.
Matthew and I went out to eat. Matthew didn’t really touch his food. He seemed offended by something.
“Matthew? What’s wrong?” I asked with a mouth full of some fancy food.
“Who is Jacob?” he said with a straight face and his eyes fixed directly on mine.
My heart skipped a beat. Jacob. How the hell did he know Jacob?
“I know many Jacobs so please be more specific” I said trying not to sound guilty.
“Jacob Floyd.”
Yes. He was really asking about Jacob.
“I don’t know who you’re talking about”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. Can we get back to eating now?”
“Okay”
Phew! That went well. I silently prayed that would be the end but no. He asked about Jacob everyday and of course, I denied.
A certain day, I guess Matthew couldn’t take it anymore. He asked me to meet him at a coffee shop. When I got there he didn’t even wait for us to exchange pleasantries. He asked again immediately we sat down who Jacob was but this time he held out his phone showing me a screenshot. He got access to my chats with Jacob.
“Fine Jacob is my ex” I said plainly.
“I would have believed that if you had said it the first time I asked you but you completely denied him so I had to investigate deeper. The dates here show that these texts were exchanged even while we were still dating!” Matthew was really angry. He raised his voice at me.
“Do you still love him”
Did I still love him? Of course not. Matthew was the only man I loved.
“I’m sorry Matthew. I’m really sorry”
“You cheated on me after I gave you everything!,”
“But that was long before we got committed.” I pleaded.
“Cheating is cheating and it is unforgivable. I can’t marry a cheating woman!”
“Matthew! How many times have I caught you with a woman? How many times have you come crawling on your knees begging me? I forgave you every time!”
Matthew was always with some other woman. He loved women a whole lot.
“I’m a man! You should know I can’t help it!”
“I don’t want to ever see you again. It’s over between us. Go meet your Jacob”
Without further argument and tear filled eyes I walked out of the coffee shop and out of Matthew's life. I always forgave him but he couldn’t forgive me just this once. Just once. That wasn’t fair. I left someone who loved me truly for someone who didn’t even value me. Slowly and slowly, I crept into an imaginary cave. I became a shadow of myself. I was beyond heartbroken. I concluded that I was someone who wasn’t worth anything. I didn’t care anymore. I stopped believing in love.
